At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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