1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
