I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
