Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
