he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
