I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
