Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
