Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize