dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
