so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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