After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
