Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
