Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
