a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize