Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
