Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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