someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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