Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
