I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
