Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
