Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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