found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
