You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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