so that wasnt chicken after all
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
