becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
