Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
