she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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