Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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