my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
