I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
