why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
