Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
