doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
