They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
