You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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