i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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