"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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