the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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