I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
