I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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