I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize