I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
