So gin and wine won't be happening again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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