Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
