I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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