smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
