im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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