i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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