It's Friday. Sex?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
