This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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