Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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