i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
