Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
