im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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