It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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