Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
