ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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