i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
