How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
