I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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