just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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