Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
