Sry I called you an 8
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
