Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
not ubering you a puppy
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
