Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
