Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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