You can't special order awesome
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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