I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
