we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
