He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
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