i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize