does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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